“Helen, you simply can’t do this to me, you are the steady one; you are the one who holds it all together. I need you to stay just the way you are.”
A systems approach begins when first you see the world through the eyes of another. Charles West Churchman
When Change Meets Resistance
Linda’s words stopped me in my tracks. It was 1987, the final year of my psychotherapy training. Vulnerability was essential for my growth, yet not everyone welcomed it.
That moment taught me something profound: personal change doesn’t happen in isolation. It ripples through the systems we belong to and not all parts of those systems want us to change. Continue reading “Wholeness: Looking at the Whole System”
“Helen, you simply can’t do this to me, you are the steady one; you are the one who holds it all together. I need you to stay just the way you are.”
A systems approach begins when first you see the world through the eyes of another. Charles West Churchman
When Change Meets Resistance
Linda’s words stopped me in my tracks. It was 1987, the final year of my psychotherapy training. Vulnerability was essential for my growth, yet not everyone welcomed it.
That moment taught me something profound: personal change doesn’t happen in isolation. It ripples through the systems we belong to and not all parts of those systems want us to change. Continue reading “Wholeness: Looking at the Whole System”
I can’t believe we are heading towards the Autumn equinox and the marking of the transition between seasons. There’s definitely that back to school/ work feeling in the air. This week I’ll be driving my son back to Brighton for the start of his final year at the University of Sussex.
This year it’s a transition that I have mixed feelings about, with news of a virus storm brewing on university campuses and knowing he will be returning to face more uncertainty, disruption and social distancing. Young adults generally are more likely to suffer the long-term consequences of economic downturn, more likely to have lost their jobs or been furloughed, more likely to live in cramped shared housing; more likely to suffer Covid related mental health issues. There’s been a lot of talk about impacts of the pandemic on children, the elderly and businesses but impacts on young people and how to support them seems to be largely ignored and this troubles me.
Given my concerns, a couple of days ago when I heard Matt Hancock laying the blame on young people for the Covid spike, I felt angry. I wanted to blame him.
My rant began something like this: “How dare you shift the blame. It’s your fault they took advantage of ‘eat out to help out’ and heeded the prime minister, who said it was a ‘patriotic duty’ to go to the pub. Your mixed messages made this mess, and so Mr Hancock, YOU are to blame for your governments chaotic, incompetent response to Covid19.”
My reaction got me thinking. In this tirade, the fact that quite a few young adults have been casual about social distancing, and the question of how best to do something about the risks is simply not part of my picture. I’m off, on my high horse, lashing out at full speed, sucked into the ‘Blame Game’. What just happened?
Blame it turns out, is contagious, it spreads like a virus. A 2010 study from USC into ‘blame contagion’ showed that pointing fingers at others is not only infectious, it is amplified when trust is low and seems to be eliminated when people feel valued and appreciated. In other words, being blamed for things that are not our fault and not receiving acknowledgement and the credit that we deserve are entangled.
How the credit/ blame game is played is a key ingredient of organisational cultures, for better or for worse. I often meet clients who work in organisations with rampant cultures of blame. These are places where dishing out blame, unfair attacks or credit grabbing hijack energy and distract from tackling problems. Teams and organizations with a culture of blame have an uphill struggle when it comes to encouraging learning, creativity, innovation and productive risk-taking. Blame is an excellent defence mechanism, by avoiding looking at our own flaws and failings, blame protects our self-image. However, research shows that people who blame others for their mistakes lose status, learn less, and have poorer performance compared to those who own up to their mistakes. The pattern is so destructive, whether you are a coach or a leader, blame is something to be alert to, because in the end playing the blame game never works.
The blame game is lazy. It’s easier to blame someone else than to recognise and accept responsibility for the part you play in a messy situation. Becoming blame-savvy requires effort, changing behaviour so you don’t repeat mistakes involves work. Creating psychological safety is one of the most important things a coach or leader can do to stop the blame game but this takes awareness, time and commitment. Here are a few potential places to start:
Avoid collusion. By setting the right example and not joining in with the game, you can help grow awareness and model collaborative problem-solving rather than defensiveness and finger-pointing.
Own up to your mistakes. When you make a mistake, it is tempting to shore up the illusion of our own self-worth and blame someone else. Instead, say sorry when you are wrong, you are not omnipotent, face up to the reality that you are not always right. When you don’t pass the buck, you gain respect and help to prevent a culture of blame.
Focus on learning and creating a ‘growth’ mindset. This is where learning from — rather than avoiding mistakes — is the priority. This helps ensure that people feel free to ‘own up’, discuss and learn from their errors.
Pause. Take a breath. Step back. If you’re facing a “blame-thrower” or “credit-grabber” a good first response is to pause. We all tend to cast blame; it is often a subconscious process; the blame game might not be personal. What is behind the game? What might be triggering your reaction? This is where talking to someone outside of work, a coach or trusted colleague will help you gain perspective and distance make strategic decisions about your response.
When you do blame, do it constructively. Accountability is important and there are definitely times when people’s mistakes need to be raised in public. In these cases, make sure to emphasise that the goal is to learn from mistakes, not to publicly humiliate those who make them. As a manager, peer or coach, be careful not to use feedback as a sneaky way of dishing out blame.
Author of The Blame Game Ben Dattner summarises it like this: “We all want to be recognised for our effort and accomplishments, and we resist being blamed when things don’t go right. This leads to habitual patterns of credit and blame at work. […] The most successful leaders are able to see their role in the blame game, admit mistakes and focus on fixing rather than blaming.”
Management is out of fashion, not many people want to be called a manager, they might want their title to be leader, or entrepreneur, or even coach – but manager?
Executives have been getting bad press for years now, they are thought to lack integrity, a 2008 Gallup poll on honesty and ethics found that 37% rated executives low or very low. Things haven’t improved since then. Is it possible that the way management is portrayed by ‘leadership’ gurus encourages ethical decline? Continue reading ““A Magnificent Profession” – The future of management?”
Last week I shared this photo on Facebook of Joolz Lewis. We first met earlier this year through Plymouth University’s ‘Futures’.
I took the photo at the Bakehouse in Cullompton where we’d met for lunch to celebrate the launch of her first book ‘Enlightened Business: Leadership for Sustainable Success’. What a lunch! The food was really good, healthy salads and home baked bread, the coffee and walnut cake we shared was delicious and the conversation was marvellous- once we finished the last crumbs of cake and last sip of coffee we looked at our watches and realized over 3 hours had passed!
I’ve had several requests to say more about the book and now that I’ve actually read it I thought I’d write a review for you. Continue reading “Enlightened Business”
They are leaving at all levels, draining the intellectual capital of all kinds of organisations. It isn’t because there is a deficit in woman – there’s plenty of evidence that women are doing better academically than men. So why is all this talent and potential being wasted?
Last month I attended a great CPD day with Exeter University’s Centre for Leadership Studies Professional Network to explore the issue.
Dr Ruth Sealy of Cranfield University began by reporting the good news: the Top 100 FTSE Boards met Lord Davies target of 25% women participating on Boards by 2015, that’s at least one woman on every board, not many but better than zero. Continue reading “Where are women managers going?”
Recently, one of my clients described her leadership role as working in a minefield. She pictured herself in potentially hostile territory, without a map, not knowing if a bomb was inches away. A powerful image of turbulent organisational life; with economic uncertainty, rapidly changing technology, globalisation, restructuring, downsizing and good old fashioned acquisitions and mergers. All contributing to unpredictable, potentially explosive working environments, places where hidden explosives of depression, anxiety and stress can blow your life apart.
Is your organisation doing enough to develop the next generation of leaders?
New research published in the Ashridge Management Index shows that many managers (48%) don’t think enough is being done to develop the skills and experiences of younger managers. As well as specific targeting of future leaders, the report recommends that there should be higher levels of investment in learning and development for teams and senior managers. Clearly, though there have been improvements, there is still work to be done in meeting the challenge of building organisations which value learning and development and appreciate the long term positive impact it has upon the financial bottom line. Continue reading “Addressing Leadership Shortfall”
Organisations need people who are engaged and motivated; especially during an economic downturn.
Many studies show that engaged employees are good for organisations. According to the Corporate Leadership Council, employees with lower engagement levels are four times more likely to leave their jobs. Engaged employees are also more productive and contribute more to profits. Studies found that the organizations with highly engaged employees achieved twice the annual net income of organizations with less engagement. Continue reading “Employee engagement – seven tips for success”
In the wake of the financial crisis the media spotlight has been increasingly on unethical behaviour in organisations. We’ve seen trust in leaders unravel and a crisis of confidence in institutions of all shapes and sizes. Society is calling for more responsible leadership and demanding that companies and individuals act with integrity. Continue reading “Redefining Success – Coaching for Responsible Leadership”
Management is out of fashion, not many people want to be called a manager, they might want their title to be leader, or entrepreneur, or even coach – but manager?
Last week I shared this photo on Facebook of Joolz Lewis. We first met earlier this year through Plymouth University’s ‘Futures’.
Organisations are losing women.
